Vegan Dating
First of all, when I started dating my husband, neither of us were vegan. So, am I qualified to give advice about this? That’s up to you!
That said, a lot of you have been asking for dating advice in the forum, so I thought I’d give it a shot, and also open it up to you guys. I do think a lot of what I’ve said about sharing veganism with friends and family applies to dating, so here’s my best advice:
Now I’d like to hear from you!
My Husband's new basketball shoes... and my "hippie" rebuttal!
What’s your perspective on finding vegan love? Share your advice and your best dating stories in the comments below!
Photo credits: veghost.com, stock.xchng / jvdberg
Category
Kind 101
27 comments
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Thanks for the consideration of us singles ; ) Loved the video (which b.t.w. only worked for me through Firefox and not at all through Safari, wonder why). I think it's true not just for dating but for all people you interact with. I remember when I told grandparents of mine that I wasn't going to eat meat anymore and it's that same question of, "What are you going to eat." And since they're dog lovers, I kind of added the "you wouldn't eat your dog" analogy, to which they responded, "well that's different." haha. (it's not, I don't like dogs but I do love cows, they're sooo cute and I'd have one as a "pet" if I could). So all relationships are in part a way of trying to remind people of health, ethics, compassion, and just all around respect for ones own decisions.
On that note, I would prefer to find a significant other who was already vegetarian or vegan. I'm not fully vegan anymore (this will hopefully be the year I turn back to that) but it would be nice to have a "partner in crime" who motivates you as much as you motivate them. For me, as a single-mom, the added bonus would be for my children to see that there are other people out there who eat like us and who want to enjoy life with us that is ethical and mostly-sustainable.
Now you need to start a vegan/vegetarian dating forum/site ; ) Thanks, Alicia, for all you do and Happy New Year to you and yours! -
I am not single but I still loved the video! Thanks for the advice. I think it also works with friends & family more or less. -
is there going to be a vegan dating here ,where sre all the best vegan dating sites , just saw mike adems vid on the best day ever about how important to only be with other vegans i am 100 percent raw by th e way , please help thanks -
I didn't eat red meat since I was a teenager, but didn't become vegan until a year ago at 28. I was married at the time to a guy who was practically a carnivore. If it was healthy, it really didn't interest him. Plus, he didn't like to read, and I couldn't get him to really listen about why I chose to do what I did. I first started by going gluten free and then I read the Kind Diet and Eating Animals, and decided I would be a vegan. He would eat a few of the meals I cooked, kind of tolerate it, but not really support it. If you know anything about being gluten free and contamination, he dipped his bread in food I was currently eating and got mad at me for being upset about it! I didn't like his food choices, but wasn't going to judge him for it, especially since I was the one who changed. He just never seemed to take me seriously and be mindful of contamination. That was just one facet of a relationship, that really wasn't working. I hope that when I start to date again, I can find someone more like minded an health conscious. Even someone more conscientious and open-minded would be lovely. I like Alicia's suggestions about the where to meet and the whole dating site that takes into account eating preferences (by a previous commenter) sounds nice too. -
I've been dating my current partner for around seven months, and I didn't immediately tell him, but eventually it came up and he thought it made a lot of sense considering my love for animals. Over the past few months he's listened to my explanations on my diet choice when others have questioned them, and has apparently decided that their is no valid argument for eating meat, and if their is one I'm just far to good at arguing to lose :D He's also informed me that he believes it would be a very good change for him to make as he has some health concerns of his own, but i don't push it on him and I don't mind if he wants to eat meat- its his body and his choice! I cant say I like kissing after he eats it though, blah!! So I guess my advice is to be open, honest and communicative, also to find a partner who has all of these qualities. Seriously it seems really immature and controlling of anyone to try and change their partners that way.
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I was vegetarian when I met my meat-eating husband. He was understanding and cool about it then, and has been since I've decided to go vegan. We eat 100% vegan at home, including stuff that scares a lot of non-vegans - like tempeh and nutritional yeast. For me that is the main thing, understanding and an open mind. Side note: he literally won't hurt a fly, so I think it's a matter of time before he joins the dark side. ;)
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It must be really hard on top of everything one is looking for in a partner, adding to the mix searching for a vegan (specially where I live, I don't even know vegetarian people). I got married almost a year ago, neither my housband or I were vegans but I always wanted to go vegetarian but couldn't do it 'cause my mom did the cooking. 3 months later I decided to go vegan from one day to the other and asked my better half if he was in, he said yes and this proved I totally chose the right guy for me, we're on the same page. -
Alicia,
I've been dating a non-vegan guy for the past 5 months, and there haven't been any issues. He is very health conscious and doesn't consume dairy, gluten, or very much meat at all; He still eats fish. When we're together, he chooses to eat vegan or at least vegetarian (eggs), which makes me really happy! We're similar enough for it not matter, but I could understand the situation being different. If I weren't into leading a healthy life, then I wouldn't a good match for him. Similarly if he weren't receptive of my lifestyle, then there would be problems. As long as both people are open minded and respectful, then I predict calm winds~ :) -
i had to watch the video twice because i couldn't stop laughing after you threw your fist into the air, stating something like,"i wouldn't show up to a a first date shouting, I AM VEGAN!"
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I wish I could find someone compassionate and intelligent like you said. If I could find a smart guy who liked to read then I could get him to read a few books and maybe come to some of the same conclusions I have.
So far, in my dating experience in Baton Rouge, I've had several guys tell me my veganism is a deal-breaker and I've had several try to convert me back to eating meat. I don't know if it's a southern thing or what, but the men in my life seem to be so much less than accommodating. It might be the caliber of men I'm meeting as well though- I'd die of shock if I ever saw any of these guys read a book.
I lived with a meat-eater before and it was difficult because I'm pretty picky about my veggies being cooked in the same pot with meat, and using the same wooden cutting board for meat and veg, etc. We also talked about children and the idea of having a partner who would feed my kids meat is really not okay with me.
I think the real question (at least for me) is where are all the vegan men? -
It can be really tough dating someone who isn't at least vegetarian. I think many of us have been there and it can be frustrating. They don't understand what you eat or where to take you. Maybe they make a little fun of you. What I realized recently, after meeting my current boyfriend, was that those guys didn't really like me. Otherwise, they would have listened more and asked questions. Only three months in, my BF already knows and remembers foods I like and dislike. Why he is a meat eater, he is happy to go to vegan restaurants with me, even to cuisine he doesn't really like because he knows it's my favourite.
As for finding a date, gosh... That's a noodle scratcher. We met through a mutual friend. I love Alicia's idea to volunteer and join eco/enimal groups in your area. What a great place to meet new friends and potentially more! Also, check out meet up groups. There may be a few veggie/vegan ones in your area. -
Well said. I think that I can sometimes be very um... picky? When it comes to dating, especially after a few experiences with individuals who are not vegan and that becoming an issue. My ex wife was not vegan and we were together for ten years and one of the places we diverged was in relation to dietary preferences and comfort vs luxury questions. I tried to be as accommodating as possible and I feel that she also made efforts to respect my choices.
When we were together though I noticed that I started eating egs every once in a while and cheese every once in a while when she would cook and there does come a point where cohabitation can be difficult without compromise, and no one really wants to compromise their own ethics or integrity.
Now I have dated some and run into the other side of the coin wherein my last lover was not vegan but was macrobiotic and conscious about diet and also meditated and did yoga and what ended up happening is that (the message I got) I wasnt good enough for her as I didnt do yoga on my own or breathing excercises etc.
So ... After that experience I have been trying to go back to square one and just be open minded. The only places to meet people out here are bars and classes so I started playing drums with the local african dance class (which is awesome) and now have something to do and dont feel the drive to "get a mate" so much which is cool.
I note that as soon as I started feeling more comfortable and not compulsively driven to find a mate, suddenly I started to notice that there are many women all around me who are very cool.
Still not sure if I am ready to date but I am also not lonely. -
Alicia,
When I met my husband, he had already been vegan for more than ten years. The week we started dating I went vegetarian. Several months later I ditched dairy and it was all for the best. I was lucky to meet someone who was a 'vegan veteran' so to speak. I was constantly impressed with how my body was after ditching meat and chemical ridden foods. One of our favorite things to do when we first started dating (and we still do when we get the chance) is visit NYC and just wander around popping into the neat Mediterranean and Japanese restaurants around the city. Our go to dish at every Mediterranean place is the falafel. :)
-Mary -
If the person you are with isn't vegan when you get together, chances are that they will eventually adopt some of the vegan lifestyle just by being with you. My husband ate the standard american diet when we starting dating and 4 years into our relationship, he adopted a 95% vegan diet and now 10 years later probably eats healthier than I do!
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I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years. When we met, I was not yet a vegan. About three years in to us dating is when I went vegetarian, then a year later I went vegan. My boyfriend was extremely supportive of my choices. He was eating a lot less meat then he normally used to, and this past summer he has turned full vegetarian. It's unfortunate how much criticism he gets from his friends, but we are both so in to nutrition it doesn't bother him at all(it's funny how the uneducated always have the strongest opinions!) He loves his veggie burgers, his freezer is FULL of them! -
Hi Alicia!
You have always been my favorite actress, and I really enjoyed your Hallmark movie Candles on bay street- even though it made me sad! I'm a 54 y/o single vegan dad, and I've been single for over 13 years. My daughter lives with me when she is home from college on weekends too. I've had the hardest time meeting either a vegan or vegetarian. Sticking to my beliefs has kept me single, and I'm not getting any younger! But- I just could not date anyone who was not at least vegetarian. I've been vegetarian and vegan since age 19! My daughter's mother left me in 1993 for someone else. I did meet a vegetarian in 1999- but she was not good for either my daughter or me and it did not last. I've been single since 1999. None of the online dating sites have worked for me, and living in Northeast CT hasn't helped either as there are very few vegetarians in this neck of the woods. I do get terribly lonely, but at least I have my daughter- but I realize that at her age of 23 she won't be living at home forever. She's doing her masters degree in teaching so at best I have another 2 years before I am totally alone. My dog keeps me company when my daughter is at college. I wish I had better news- but it can be a lonely life when one is vegan/veg at my age and single. :(
Sincerely, Jody -
I met my boyfriend online, and we had pretty much everything in common except for that he was a hardcore meat eater and I was a strict vegan (still am). Over the past year I've known him, I've given him all the info I have, shown him videos, cooked him delicious food. I have made it very clear to him how my compassion for animals goes beyond pets. 8 months ago he went vegetarian (still mostly vegan because I fed him all the time), and now he is vegan. He even talks to people about it and is proud of it. You just need to find a great person and wake them up if they're not already. Good luck to all :)
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Newbie here, if anyone has any help. I am not single, but it is a romantic problem. Since I've gone vegetarian, now moving to vegan, my husband hasn't been very supportive to say the least. He is warming- very slowly! I have convinced him of the evils of antibiotics/growth hormones in meat and I have switched him to almond milk (baby steps). Problem is, I do the grocery shopping and my conscience is just killing me! Bacon is out of the question, of course, sausage, same. I'm down to Smart Chicken and fish, but it is getting harder and harder to buy any of it, see it, touch it, smell it (gag)- even walk through the meat department without it looking like a horror movie to me. How do I coexist with a carnivore? (Larger question, how do we exist in this world!?) What is the best meat to buy- if there is such a thing?
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thanks for your dating tips, Alicia...I would hope to find someone who loves animals, the environment, and is open to vegetarianism, preferably veganism...I will keep an open mind...and always with kindness, love, and compassion for everything good on this planet... :) -
I believe that respecting and even supporting your partner's choices is critically important. After I read books by Dr. Dean Ornish and Professor T. Colin Campbell I changed my food choices. My wife helped by preparing a menu of balanced "whole plant based diet" this is 100% vegan, and 100% free of commercially processed food-like products. She continues to eat eggs and meat on occasion because she thinks she needs it because of her 'blood type.'
I do share book passages that refute this based upon science, but I'm not militant about it. In return, I even reviewed a book financed by the "Price Foundation" (an organization financed by dairy and meat industry associations). I always check the footnotes to validate the validity of arguments. The book in question has no references to any other book and failed miserably. I would have verified the science and even changed my mind if there were scientific studies to support this. A 100% plant based diet appears to be the healthiest diet diet on earth.
Still, I will support my wife's choice of eating three eggs from local free range farms. -
When I met my boyfriend, Zach, we were both in college and lived in the same off campus apartment complex. He lived with some of my guy friends, however I didn't know him. Our mutual friend introduced us while Zach was grilling in the courtyard. He offered me some steak, and I said, "Oh no thank you, I'm vegan." We joke about how quickly I got that out in the open. Haha!
Anyway, while my boyfriend is not a vegan, he has always been very supportive of my beliefs. He said that me being vegan was never "an issue" for him, because he never felt as though I was judging him for not believing in something that I believe. Without me preaching to him or anything, he decided to significantly cut down his meat intake, and only buys his meat and animal products from our local farmers market. He loves eating vegan though, just not exclusively. We now live in Baltimore and frequent the many yummy vegan restaurants (we even have a vegan soul food restaurant!!). -
I actually just started a free dating site that matches people through the food they eat (or don't eat), called SamePlate.com. Perfect for vegans, and all people on restricted diets, as well as foodies, food allergy sufferers, diabetics, and even picky eaters. It allows you to search through food AND diet. I'm on the paleo diet, and I started it to meet someone who eats the way I do! Funny, the longer I've been on the paleo diet, the more vegan I eat, realizing animal products are not the be all, end all, and are not quite good for you at all.
Here's a video I posted on the SamePlate.com YouTube channel where I make noodles from zucchini!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK1f-IPg9h4 -
@Lauren - you're so right that cooking and eating together is a big part of a relationship! When my boyfriend and I (http://thekindlife.com/blog/post/alicia-silverstone-kind-eats-steph-and-kalem-peanut-butter-and-jelly-cupcakes) started dating, he was vegetarian and I was eating meat. I had been a vegetarian so I was open to skipping meat and we loved cooking together - it was a challenge sometimes to find things we both liked, but I never felt like I was missing meat when we ate together.
We watched Forks Over Knives together and, both being open and intelligent people, were immediately convinced that we needed to explore a vegan lifestyle.
I think Alicia's right that half of the equation is having a partner that is supportive and sensitive to your lifestyle and values. And the other half is hoping that if they're open and smart and compassionate, they might come around to the vegan lifestyle themselves! -
I think you are right on about dating Alicia. It is complicated, so I think it is important to be who we are without a hammer and be open to finding a person that you can click with. The food is important, but it is about sharing it and giving people time to learn about it. As long as the person you are dating is respectful of you and your values and choices than you have something to build on.
Like Alicia I was not a vegan when I married my husband years ago, but when I did go he was supportive. And he is supportive today and eats mostly vegetarian, so it just has taken time for him to learn and to gravitate towards all the reasons why I am vegan. Everyone must arrive here in their own timing. -
My boyfriend is not vegan and doesn't plan on being vegan anytime soon. But he supports me, is considerate and thoughtful when purchasing products, always agrees to restaurants I can eat at, and absolutely LOVES everything I cook.
I remember the first time I met his family, we had dinner at a BBQ joint and he was SO worried about what I could eat and went through the menu with a fine toothed comb and offered suggestions. Such a keeper. <3
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