my thoughts on fur...
Through the years, I've struggled to find the right reaction whenever I've come into contact with people who wear fur. I have so many strong feelings about this issue that I've often become tongue-tied and have not known what to say.
At times, I've said things that, even though they were truly what I felt, only angered or alienated people. Other times, I've said nothing and just accepted that it's their choice. But holding it in and simmering in silence didn't feel right to me either.
What I've finally learned is that being warm and kind is the best way to open a dialogue on this subject. Often, people wearing fur expect me to say something harsh that will put them on the defensive. But, if I'm willing to engage with them openly and respectfully (even if I can't stand the choice they've made), it gives us an opportunity to have a friendly conversation, one where they're far more open to hearing another point of view.
If I feel comfortable, I might ask them in a disarming tone, "Hey, is that real?" This gives them the chance to answer yes or no, but I think just asking the question plants the seed in their mind. If they say it is, I just go, "Ahhh," or give a look that expresses my reaction - but without judgment or condemnation; I just try and express my truth.
Many times, people will say things like, "Oh gosh, I know- My mom gave it to me,"or, "I struggle with this issue myself!" Whatever their response, by staying compassionate and non-judgmental, I have a much better chance at planting a seed of change in their mind or opening up a dialogue than if I get into an argument with them. I think I've wound up having a far more positive effect by calling out my feelings on the issue while not cutting off the chance to have a respectful dialogue. A lot of times, people who wear fur might already have an openness to hearing another point of view, but if you go at them in a way that's confrontational, they will shut down.
It doesn't make me hate the fur trade any less, but if my goal is to win over people and eliminate fur clothing for good, then a kind and understanding approach can be the most effective. Living a compassionate life means sometimes even having compassion for people who are making choices that are harmful or ignorant. We don't have to like or accept what they're doing, but the most effective way to start changing it is by engaging them in constructive dialogue.
What do you do when you see someone wearing fur? What have you found to be the most effective way to get people to change?
66 comments
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I have a question. I've always wanted to hear a vegan's honest opinion. What about leather and fur that's second hand or vintage? Is it immoral to recycle older garments since they're not promoting the sale of fur and leather from manufacturers? Isn't it better than wasting them and tossing them in a landfill? I think it's a personal decision but I just wanted to hear what others think. Thank!
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In response to Gia's comment, angora and wool are vegan friendly. Sheep and rabbits aren't harmed in the shearing process.
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Personally I almost always assume that peoples in general are not going to let themselves go too much, at least as far as I'm concerned... There's always peoples with whom I don't get along well, but usually I assume that someone who appreciate me is going to do efforts to be reasonable... There are ways to put me in a receptive mode...
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i agree with leslie, being angry or outwardly judgemental does alienate. HOWEVER, if we are to help stop the selfish, brutal killing of these helpless animals in the name of 'fashion' then we should be respectfully honest, as well as armed with some facts. i loved how alicia portrayed her veganism on oprah! that type of lightheartedness and accessibility, coupled with REAL reasons, both for health and for love of animals and the environment, makes people listen. it's been hard for me lately living in a fancy town where now i see everyone with these fur vests. its hard enough to go out to eat with people who love their meat, now they are wearing fur like 85 year old women. as for wool, i always assumed it was a practice that didn't harm the sheep. so, we do need to know our facts and help people.....offer them alicia's book, or ask if they have seen food inc. etc. it will catch on...
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I was super bummed when I went to the Stella McCartney store where I live in Las Vegas today. My friend and I spotted a sweater in her store made out of wool and angora rabbit hair!! I may be wrong, but I was under the impression that her clothes were vegan. Can someone enlighten me? -
i wear all kinds of anti fur buttons/totes!! that way i make a statement and make ppl think about the issue w/o having to confront every single person wearing fur!
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yes heidi! i totally agree with you. i HATE being preached at about anything and i try really hard no to do the same to others. there are many choices in my life that often find people at odds with me...and i just hate the fact that they think they are better than me or have the RIGHT to tell me i'm wrong, or stupid, or going to hell, or whatever fill in the blank stupid comment. i just don't get it...and they are ALWAYS met with my disdain and eye rolling. i won't listen and in fact it will make me not hear them even more...if that makes sense! i like finding my own truths in my own time.
as far as fur...i don't like it at all. i often go back and forth with leathers. if the hides are simply the left overs of the meat industry, then i think we should take full advantage of everything. however, if there were less demand for leather would it decrease the killing of animals? i don't think so because the animals are killed for their meat...but i still don't like it. it makes me sad. personally i like crocs. they make cute ones now. so comfy. yes, they have leather ones now, but i don't buy them...just the regular ones. and you can't go wrong with good ol' cotton. :)
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I'm in complete agreement with you, Heidi! I think you're approach is the best in most situations. I also thought the same thing regarding the "angry vegans." And it made me not want to listen to anything they had to say. The kind approach is always the best, in mu opinion. It's why I'm starting on this crazy, fun ride after recently reading Alicia's book. Her tone and approach are awesome and she "made me listen" because I never felt like I was being preached to or yelled at. :)
I always thought the faux fur thing was weird. If I don't like wearing actual fur why would I want to wear something that looked like fur. But I never had a problem with the faux leather, etc...so perhaps I need to think it through more. haha :P
Btw, loving this site and the book. I just started the Flirting plan on Saturday and so far so good.
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I appreciate the "kind approach" to helping people learn and bring about change. Though I am a vegan now, as a former omnivore, I remember thinking that the angry and militant vegans must be missing something in their diet to make them so angry. It was hard to listen to them and definitely didn't inspire a change in me. They would treat an animal with compassion, but not an ignorant human. It just seemed wrong. My change to a healthy and kind lifestyle was slow and inspired by kind people with a calm nature. Anger will always meet resistance and cause the reciepient to "shut down". Remember that as representatives of goodwill and compassion, people look to us as examples.
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A step in the right direction!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/21/us/west-hollywood-to-ban-sales-of-fur-garments.html
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This may sound kind weird, but to me, even faux fur is bad!
Think about it. You are struttin your stuff, lookin' hot in your faux leather boots and trendy faux fur stole. Other women/men admire your style and are inspired by your look. Of course, they don't know you and can't tell that your clothes are the vegan versions so they go out and buy real leather/fur to replicate your look. IE You looking hot in faux fur = increased demand in real fur products.
Does this make sense?
I know we are not the babysitters of the world, but...every bit helps(?) I've just been thinking about this as fall has arrived in Vancouver, BC and it is time for fall shopping...
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I heard that, too, diana. Such great news!! It's amazing how often people cannot connect the love that they have for their pet to the beauty/respect of other animals. LoveInspireCreate, I guess that choice is yours. I personally wouldn't want to wear it, as I wouldn't want to contribute to the notion that fur is stylish or glamourous, vintage or not. I wonder if there is a way to donate it to allow it to be used for good purposes. Smurfy posted above and suggested a site to donate fur for animals in shelters that need to stay comfy and warm. I would feel good about using it for that purpose.
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There's a news bit out today about West Hollywood considering a ban on the sale of animal fur.Some are finally making the connection between their beloved pets & the animals that are routinely subjected to the inhumane treatments for their meat, skin & fur. Baby steps....
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I love the look of fur but of couse, would never buy the real thing. However, I've always been torn about this gorgeous white mink coat that my grandmother gave me from the 40s. I have never felt comfortable wearing it - so I haven't. Instead, it just sits in the closet. So, my question is it just as wasteful to not wear it? What do you guys think?
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goat girlnyc, I feel the same. It is just too hard for me to fathom how anyone, this day and age, could throw on a fur coat. What makes it worse is, with the anti-fur campaigns being entirely visible, these people who are wearing the fur are clearly trying to make some kind of cruelty statement. A statement that they are above and beyond it. They are brick walls and they seem impossible to break through.
And I get so tired of the excuses . . . did you know that now they are trying to say it is good for the environment?! Eco-fashion blogs (well... blogs that like to call themselves that) are touting fur as a biodegradable, eco-friendly choice. Sorry, but fur is and never will be sustainable unless you are a mountain man or woman hunting wild animals for their meat and skinning them for their hides to stay warm. In the same breath, someone will justify meat-eating or fur-wearing with superior human intelligence, but then they completely disregard that we aren't neanderthals anymore and we have the capability to lead different (and better!) lives.
I do like the look of fur, I will admit it. FAUX fur. I am very understanding of those that would chose not to wear faux at all for fear of inciting others to wear the real thing, but we face the same issue with other synthetics as well (fake leather shoes, faux suede, etc.). However, fur is, as Tim Gunn has said, "egregiously irresponsible" and it's certainly made me put the couple of faux things in my closet to the back of the rack.
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Thank you Alicia for bringing this subject up as we approach the coming cold season. I too struggle with what to say or not and so I think I will ask if people have seen the documentary "The Witness." It was a good documentary I think because it was about a man who got it one day when he rescued a cat. Then his heart just grew bigger. And he did this documentary which went into some of the details on the fur business and I think if people are willing to watch the film they can learn some things from it.
I personally look for jackets and coats that are washable as they do get dirty! So perhaps bringing up this fact can be an opening statement on the subject because you can't wash fur. They can chemically dry clean them but yuck, they smell like chemicals. There is just something about wearing a dead animals fur or leather that I have grown to think more about and hope that we can make some compassionate choices in how we respond to people who choose to wear animal products. We can be examples by not using animal products and be aware to be non-judgemental and not reactive.
Great suggestion for what to do with old furs by Smurfy:
http://www.dailypuppy.com/articles/places-to-donate-fur-coats/1346faeb-c589-1be2-80a6-4bbdffeca069
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@Mishy - You can donate fur to animal shelters to help keep the animals warm. Here's a link with some info.
http://www.dailypuppy.com/articles/places-to-donate-fur-coats/1346faeb-c589-1be2-80a6-4bbdffeca069
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Back in the day when animal fur & hides were the only to survive this was an exception.Know with man-made products that have superior warming levels there is no need for animal furs!! Furs in no way makes anyone more elegant in any shape or form!!
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I think we can all be 'neutural', or try to see others point of view which is good and kind but there is no reason for such cruelty. It's pure selfishness and the world is simply brimming with selfish thoughtless individuals. Its a sign of our money crazy times and I just simply think some people just dont care, even after being given the facts.
xx
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Even when I wasn't a vegetarian or vegan, I couldn't imagine wearing fur (which is partly what led me to going veggie...how could wearing fur be different from the other animal welfare/rights issues?). It's hard to see celebs and the wealthy elite continuing to wrap themselves in animals in order to make a statement of so-called fashion and status. While this has been my feeling for a long time, distancing myself from leather (and wool and down) is, sadly, a new thing since going vegan, so I guess each person has to have their own enlightenment on wearing animal products. I agree, Maggie, that each person is on his/her own journey towards finding the will and making the steps to change. Judgement does not help the cause, as much as the issue may make us cringe.
Tomas, I have had the same exact responses. As frustrating as it can be, I just tell myself it's not personal and more about their own guilt and defensiveness.
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I believe anyone who wears another animal's skin/fur is mentally lacking. Really. Surely, anyone with an education would realize how barbaric wearing animal fur is.. right? Then again.. there's the younger generation.. but even then.. the younger generation is a very cool group of people - they've been raised to be more compassionate and volunteer more. Which I think is amazing. So.. Fur = Death ; enlightenment = posibble change..
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Agreed. Completely. However, I think it is important to remember that ALL human beings are in a sort of process. When you see someone overweight, smoking, drinking too much, getting too angry, etc. it is easy to judge- it is an instant ego boost because we are able to define ourselves by what we are not. This is dangerous though too and leaves little room for empathy. True empathy, I think, is remembering that we are all on a journey- some people are a few steps "ahead" of others in certain arenas. I am trying my best to look to the capacity in other people rather than the limitations.
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