last night we were on the phone..all of a sudden the conversatin was focused on my new vegan lifestyle and asperations(this whole thing is new for me)..He abrupltly said ."i cant wait until you are done with this whole diet thing" i explained i was not planning on being done with it and he just started getting this way! he then added..."i am not going out to dinner with you" i asked why and he responded that i dont eat anything.. and obviously i do and will continue to so that statment confused the heck out of me.. and i reassured him that there were always vegetarian meals on the menu anyplace that we might go. We live just outside of boston and there are many places to go eat ..i also said i would eat pasta or salad if i did not have much else to choose from...He basically laughed it off and when i asked "Why are you being so critical?" He thought i was over reacting... I am very pissed off and dont know why on earth me being a vegan or vegatarian had made him feel threatened in some way..And why so critical? I never asked him to change..plus he eats lots of salads,worksout regularly,does not eat pork beef eggs or to much cheese!!!!!!!!!!!! WEIRD or is it just me
ok i just went on a typing tantrum and misspelled alot of words...i am a lousy typist...the punctuation is off but all and all.....he laughed at me .thought i was overreacting i inturn thought he was not, and is not, taking something i am i feel the whole converation was manipulative ..we have been through alot together and have alot of good times but this is really making me evaluate my relationship
Hi Ellen, When feeling threatened, many of us react that way. I try to avoid conflicts with family but at times their frustrations just bubble up. I try to ignore the whole thing and it usually just goes away naturally in a short time. As a guy who has reacted the way you describe and then changed his mind soon afterward, I'd advise understanding at this time. Change can be painful, maybe he's just about to change his mind and is lashing out as a result. Justin
Oh my gosh, Ellen - weird indeed! I don't know nothin' from nothin', but what I FEEL from what you're saying is that here's a man who obviously takes care - cuts out many unkind things, works out regularly, etc. and no doubt he's utterly comfortable that way, right? And here's his lady, all of a sudden (to HIS mind/psyche) going farther that he's ever gone...maybe farther than he's willing to go - change is soooooooooooooo very difficult sometimes. You're certainly not threatening him, of course not - but maybe he feels you're threatening the status quo - going somewhere he thinks he can't follow.
But I gotta tell you, this has got to be about YOU, and he has to understand that you'd really like his support, and that's separate from whatever food path HE wants to tread. His supporting you TOTALLY doesn't mean he needs to do the same, he doens't need to worry about that - have I got that right?
I hope this helps/makes sense - the musings of an objective friendly bystander! :)
Eeeps - Justin popped in as I was typing - WAAAAAY wise there, AND a man's perspective - maybe he IS considering a change and a bit skeered about that - to actually be on the verge of that (an agreement) is even COOLER! :)
CORRECTION!!!!wow i think i need coffee asap... what i meant tosay he is not taking something I AM passionate about seriously followed by "i feel the whole conversation was manipulative".. OOPS... HOPE EVERYONE CAN RE READ THAT LAST POST it should make more sense now ..thanks!
Hi Ellen, Just to share with you a little from my own experience - my husband was NOT all about this at first. I read on a post around that time not to push him or force the issue so I decided to go that route and just started cooking vegan meals and didn't say too much about it. Every now and then he would have an angry outburst like "So, what? Are you never eating meat again? I still like milk. I want milk...etc, etc." Over time these have stopped and last weekend we were in the car talking about how I could explain this to his parents and he came up with a whole thing for me to say and was saying "we" sometimes instead of it just being me making this change. He was defending my choice and listed a variety of reasons to back it up. It made me so happy to realize that he IS learning and understanding! He even sat down with me and watched Meet Your Meat and we are going to watch Earthlings tonight. I guess what I'm saying is if you act like it's no big deal and don't talk it to death and push the issue eventually it becomes norm and he'll ask questions and you can answer in a nonchalant way. That's just been my experience so I thought I would share.