The KInd Life Community Forum

Hi! My dad just came to visit me today at my house, and he took me grocery shopping and out to dinner as a treat. He and I don't have a super close relationship, but I thought it was getting better since I live on my own now and no longer am with my parents on a regular basis. However, when I suggested a Mexican Restaurant, he said, "What can you eat there? Cheese? Eggs and beans?" I said, "Dad, I don't eat cheese, and I don't eat dairy products or eggs." He flipped out and said I was going crazy and that I was going to kill myself by eating nothing, and he said, "You HAVE to eat cheese, eggs and fish; they are good for you. You NEED to eat them." He was really angry, and I didn't know how to react. I even choked a little when he asked what I do eat; my reply was a meager "beans, tofu, grains, vegetables." My dad is a conventional doctor, and he told me I can't live on that stuff, that it is merely supplementary to meat, cheese, and eggs. I told my parents months ago that I was vegetarian and don't eat animal products, but they refuse to stop buying me milk chocolate and baked goods with eggs in them. I feel so guilty, but I end up packaging those things and giving them as gifts to my friends or to the food drives at my gym. I just feel so guilty, and I'm worried because I'm going to visit my family for a week at Christmas, and both my mom and dad were (apparently) under the impression that I eat fish, eggs, and dairy. I suppose I wasn't clear enough because I knew they would react badly. However, I don't want to eat the stuff just for them because my body feels miserable when I do. Any advice for my week at home? I am going to do the bulk of the cooking because my parents love the meals I make, but I don't know what to do when they keep buying me baked goods, milk chocolate, eggs, yogurt...I feel like I am being spoiled by not accepting their generosity :(.

Oh, Evie, I soooo feel your pain on this one. My dad, too, is a conventional dr and used to scream and yell at me when I was a kid and cried at the table because I did not want to eat meat. Years later, as a teen, one of his dr friends treated me for a stomach condition and recommended a veg diet! Vindication!!! But he never liked it and he used to ridicule my food at every meal just to be mean...
Eventually he had to stop because I simply sat quietly, respectfully, eating my food, refusing to fight. Now we no longer have a relationship because he is a toxic person with addiction issues and I had to make a choice to protect my kids from him. This decision became much easier when he left my mom... why am i going into all this???
The point is- it takes two people to fight. Maybe if you calmly point out at a time when there is no argument brewing about it that many respected physicians advise a vegan diet? Be prepared with examples of doctors and successful athletes, and so forth.
Don't give up! It will get better! People who love you will be worried and resistant to your change for a while until they see that it is good for you.
xoxoxo
Donna

I can somewhat relate Evie, when I casually mentioned it to my dad, he about lost it. His main arguments.."You NEED dairy!!! Where are you going to get your calcium?? Where are you going to get your protein??" and the ever popular "You can't AFFORD to be vegan!!" Then it was the teases and jokes every other second about tofu.
This weekend when I go home for the holidays, I'm coming armed with 3 great vegan desserts. Being me, I won't tell them they are vegan until they've started digging in. Looking forward to the suprised look on my dad's face when he realized he you can eat damn well on a vegan diet! Just remember there are a TON of people here who always have you back!!

My parents are inured to the challenges I've confronted them with over the years but while traveling to Europe to visit my elderly grandmother my aunt learned that I wasn't giving my kids dairy and freaked out. I hadn't spoken to her in years but she just blasted me for being a bad parent and my kids needed to be removed from my custody etc. It really upset my grand mother until I explained it to her later. My aunt is an oncologist (cancer doctor) and also claimed smoking is ok. She actually smokes. She said Americans worry about our food and complain about smoking too much which is why we get cancer. I explained to my grandmother that this doctor would give my kids cigarettes and cheese and claim both are healthy.

I have an approach that may be a little different. I admit I am non-confrontational, and I'm all for educating people, however, sometimes you just have to agree to disargree. Your mom seems more open, maybe you can just gently ask her to stop bringing the food, and eventually she will hear you. Until then, give it to frends or donate, it's helping someone, right?? My dad is not angry about what I'm doing, he just thinks it's ridiculous, but he'll eat things I cook, my mom is all for it, so I have support (my hubbie too, kids are just unaware) But, if you value your parents relationship, maybe it's best to just agree to disargree and not force to much info down their throats. Don't eat what you don't want to, fix them yummy non threatening food (no tofu seaweed), don't order crazy out, just get simple salads... this may seem like the easy way out, but its your dad, and it doesn't sound like you're gonna convince him, so let it go.