My friend who is has been a vegan now for 14 years told me. "I always carry a back pack with me with ready to eat food when going out". It's just the way it is. I had the same experience at a wedding reception last month. The entire event was catered and not one item on the table was vegan or even vegetarian. Boy did I learn quick. We are the minority and being prepared when dining out is a given. Looking at the menu ahead of time might help as well so you can plan.
I think you have to take the attitude that restraunts are in the SERVICE profession. Most servers and kitchens are happy to provide options for you if you are up front about your food requirements. I have wheat and gluten allergies and have often "created" dishes at the restraunt combining sides over rice, or pastas. Remeber you are a paying customer also.
you just need to keep plugging along and do some investigating into what places will go out of their way - i ended up once at a fancy restaurant for brunch and KNEW I was screwed, but after really searching the menu and torturing the waiter, they made me a lovely advocado and tomato sandwich and home fries for me. So that place was on the list for where to suggest to go out to eat. Over time I just found the few places that worked and bullied everyone into going there!
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