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Hi, so I'm getting married next September, my boyfriend and I compromised on a vegetarian wedding since he is still a meat eater. Well plannig was going great, we found caterer from Santa Cruz that was amazing. But my family completely freaked out when I informed them that there would be no meat at my wedding. They immediately made plans to bring their own meat for their children since they assumed that anything that would be served would be nasty. Then they accused me of injustly imposing my ideals on to my boyfriend, and qoute said "how can you do that to your boyfriend, its his wedding too not just yours." My boyfriend is completely fine with no meat at our wedding. I cannot help but not want any of my family or anyone else at my wedding at all anymore. Now I just want an intimate wedding with just my boyfriend and I, where we can have our vegan cake and eat it too and not have to worry about others criticizing our choices. It may seem like an overreaction and I should be used to this kind of behavior from my family but on such an important day would it be mean and rude to completely cut everyone out of our wedding day? One last thing to add was that they continued to make jokes of how I don't eat meat and how apparently my boyfriend has not "balls" for allowing this. My sister later that day told her 8 year daughter that I don't eat real sushi but fake sushi and that apparently was very funny to my sister. Any thoughts or suggestions would be very helpful.
What a rough ride! I thought wedding preparations were supposed to be stressful enough as it is. Here you are getting ready for celebrating what is a beautiful union and partnership between two people and the ones that should be most proud and happiest for you are, excuse me, shitting on your parade.
I would be focusing on the wonderful partner you have found that respects you enough to compromise. You sound like you know how lucky you are.
Maybe write your family a letter. Words can be exchanged in the heat of the moment and you don't want to say or do something you'll regret in a confrontation. You're great for wanting the day to be about love and KINDness and since you're paying for your guests to eat you shouldn't have to pay for the slaughtered meat to make them feel *comfortable*. Maybe your fiancé could talk to them- tell them why HE supports you and how he would love it if THEY did too. That would take "balls", as you say.
I hear the guests at Chelsea Clintons wedding loved the feast they were served!
Good luck to you.
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Wow, unbelievable. I am almost speechless here. I think the saddest part of this whole story is that your family thinks that the biggest thing of the day is the meal. Wow again. I think I would sit down with my family and tell them that it is going to be veg wedding whether they like it or not and that you would rather not have them there if they were going to make a big deal and bring their own meat. They can respect your choices for one day! Especially YOUR wedding day! What is wrong with these people? Why does everyone think the wedding day is about them and not the bride and groom? I would say just that and tell them that if they are going to make a big deal then you will just get married with the two of you, no family. You shouldn't let them ruin this for you. This is the ONE day that YOU get to be selfish (even though having a veg wedding is sooo not selfish! Can people not survive ONE meal without meat??!! Sick!). Think about what you and your fiancee want. You want to look back on this day and remember being overjoyed, not insulted. Let us know how it goes.
holy cow, i can't believe that they said that! it is YOUR day and if they dont want to eat the food that you and your fiance both want, then thats that many less plates you have to pay for :) Inform them of what the menu will be and tell them to kindly keep their opinions to themselves. They all had their own weddings to plan and now it's your turn! Stick to your guns!
You're not overreacting in the slightest. Their behaviour is appalling to say the least and I'm so sorry that your wedding plans have been marred by their selfishness. I'm so glad I wasn't vegan when I married last year because I can only imagine how tough it would have been to get my family to understand.
Is it your side of the family or your boyfriends? If it's yours it might be easier to address but if it's his side he really needs to step in and fight you corner, so to speak. He needs to make it clear that in no uncertain terms that you are not forcing him to do anything. My family love to imply that I've made my Husband vegan and whenever he senses this he will tell them directly that he is his own person and he has not been coerced into veganism just to please me.
Try not to get yourself too worked up though because the only person that is going to suffer is you. This is your day. I had to learn to let things wash over, as they say, when I was planning my own wedding and people commented how relaxed I was on the day. I could have got myself wound up over sooooo many things but I had to remember what was important - I was marrying the man that I love. I know it feels like you want it to be just the two of you but I think you'd regret not having friends and family around to celebrate. Deep down you do care for these people and even though they are reacting despicably you'll never hear the end of it if you don't invite them which will make your life very difficult in the long run.
I know it's hard but try to remain positive and enjoy the process. Lord knows I wish I could do it all again! Grin and bear it OR confront them - it's a tough one but only you can make the call! Let us know how you get on.
I say confront, confront, confront! The thought of missing your wedding should be enough for them to stop this harrassment!
I would talk to you fiance first, and ask him how he would feel about an intimate wedding if it came down to it. If he's okay with it, then I say confront! Tell them they are your family and you love them and want them at YOUR wedding, but if they can't love you enough to respect your choices and go ONE MEAL without meat, and they can't support you on what should be a day all about love, then you don't want them there. Show them a copy of the menu. If you found a wonderful caterer in Santa Cruz the food is probably really good and the menu should look good to them.
I don't think that's mean and selfish at all. You may wish they could be there, but I would think it would really affect you for them to be there knowing they're so unsupportive and have actually brought their own meat!!! I can't believe that one. I am really sorry, it's unfortunate that they don't seem to respect you or your fiance, saying he doesn't have 'balls.' I think you have to confront them, at least about their comments, even if you don't want to ask them not to come if they can't handle one single vegetarian meal. I'm vegan, my boyfriend is vegetarian, but at home he eats vegan and is happy to do so. If we were to get married, it would be a vegan wedding regardless of our friends or family, but I could not imagine our families reacting in such a way.
Best of luck to you! I hope it is a day filled with wonderful memories and a loving family, and not a stressed filled one with a judgmental family.
Thank you, everyone that responded to my post. I really thought that I was overreacting to my family's insensitivity but I now know I'm not the only one that was offended by the way they reacted. So just to update everyone I spoke to my brother and he insisted that all of them were just kidding, although I truly believe there was some truth to their cruel jokes. My boyfriend and I have talked extensively about whether to have our family present at our wedding or have an intimate wedding between the two of us and we have decided that in order to have a wedding ceremony true to our hearts and beliefs it would be best to have a simple ceremony that is only between him and I. While I know that usually having everyone you love at your wedding is high on the priorty list of guest I don't think having any of our family members there while knowing how unsupportive they are can bring any joy to our wedding. Well thank you again for all your responses and if anyone has had an intimate wedding ceremony with just you and your fiance it would be nice to hear how it went!
Xica - way to go! the priority should not be your family and their desires, but you and this person you are choosing to share your life with - it sounds as if you are marrying the right guy and you will be starting your own supportive family! If its just you and he, consider a destination of some sort - instead of blowing all that money on a huge wedding at home, put it toward you and he traveling to some amazing spot and creating the perfect ceremony for the two of you - there are plenty of veg/vegan friendly chefs all over the world who would accomadate the two of you! find an island or a mountain top and create something amazing that will truly symbolize this new beginning - and it's obvious from sites like this one that there are many others in similiar situations: http://www.best-elope-ideas.com/