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Anyone ready to "throw in the towel"?

Anyone ready to "throw in the towel"?

Started by Debi C on October 22, 2010

10 Comments

Debi C said #1 Oct 22, 2010 at 2:32pm

well...Im almost 52..been mostly vegetarian/vegan since I was 17 !!!! i got married to a meat eater 19........ Raised them on the Classic veg cookbook Laurels Kitchen ...And my husband had to eat what I fixed!! . Anyways..Fast forward thirty years...The beautiful children are gone...so sucsessful and Im so happy for them...However..now it is me and my non vegan..non hippie hubby,,,, Sigh... I make recipes out of Alicias book.... he will eat a little but it ends up being throw out..composted,,,he doesnt want to eat it again...I can only eat so many leftovers...He is soooo much happier and nicer to me when I fix him meat...makes me sad..but what is a girl to do?????

Hazel said #2 Oct 22, 2010 at 3:19pm

After so many years, I would hope your husband would have learned to at least get past it at home - he's nicer to you when you fix him meat? I don't really have advice in terms of your husband, my boyfriend went veg when I went vegan, and after seeing Earthlings is nearly vegan, trying really, really hard to be. I would say that in terms of wasting food- why don't you cut the recipes in half? TKD recipes do make a lot of food, so if I was single, I would cut them in half. Does he cook? Can he cook his own meat? I wish I could offer you more, but I hope after living kindly your whole life, which clearly means it is a deep part of you, you are able to find a way to make it work . . . Sending you good thoughts . . .

Vegmom said #3 Oct 22, 2010 at 8:10pm

I've been married 20 years and if my Hubs wants meat he had to cook it himself :-) But now he is Veg also due to health reasons. And I'm a happy happy girl!!

I don't have any suggestions as you've been at it a lot longer then I was, but maybe purchasing the already cooked stuff, and just throwing it in a prepared otherwise veggie dish after you get your helping.

Or if you have a larger healthfood store near by, you can get meat meals from the deli all cooked and ready to go. Then at least you don't have to touch it.

Justin Bean said #4 Oct 23, 2010 at 3:56am

Split pea soup can easily be made vegan until a little bit of bacon is sprinkled in it, maybe at the table. The same type of thing can be done to any soup. Make it the way you want to eat it then add something for your hubby right into his bowl.

You could start out adding quite a bit of meat to make him happy and put his mind at ease but then over time add half fake meat and half real meat. After a while you can add a speck of meat and mostly the fake stuff.

Instead of having your husband eat two pork chops with a tiny amount of plant food as a meal, you can use the same amount of meat in one cooked pork chop for five or six meals. Just cut it up into little pieces (or buy it that way) and sprinkle it on.

This sort of exposure to meat is not associated with the negative health effects of the standard diet. He can have his meat and live a long time too.

For an explanation as to why he can't give it up read Dr. Barnard's book "breaking the food seduction" He is simply addicted to meat and gets strung out when he doesn't get any.

Margot said #5 Nov 9, 2010 at 6:04pm

my husband is a big meat-lover, and its definitely one of the biggest causes of tension between us. He is the kind of person who wants meat 3 times a day - bacon for breakfast, chicken for lunch, and steak for dinner - Yuck!! He surprised me recently though when he agreed to go vegetarian for a week - he found it difficult, and he missed meat - but it meant SO much to me that he gave it a try out of respect for me..

Usually we cook things that can easily be tailored to both - eg stirfrys, mexican, bbqs are all quite easy to make meat and vegan version cocurrently..

it can be frustrating, especially when eating out, i often think how much easier it would be if he was a vegan too! i worry about his health too as i dont think he eats enough vegies..

Lindsay Wolf said #6 Nov 9, 2010 at 6:28pm

Debbi -

I hear you. You are doing something wonderful, and it can be so frustrating to not have the full support of your spouse. What's worse is that your partner is being unkind to you for not making him meat - and I don't know that I could be with someone who treats me kind only when I do things to satisfy him and not myself. My husband has only been vegan a year (I've been vegan 2), and it was a very difficult year when I made the switch to veganism. But over time, my husband really understood that what I was doing wasn't a phase, or a fad, but rather a deeply thought-out and chosen path. And as soon as that hit him, he respected and supported my choice. A few years later, and we're both happily making vegan dinners together. I know that every couple is different, though, and I also know how difficult it can be to get a loved one on board with your choices when they just don't take the time to understand them.

Now, my mother-in-law has a different story - she's in her sixties, been vegetarian for less than a year and has a meat-loving husband who is seventy. Making dinner for him has been tough the past year, but she insists that if he wants meat, he needs to get it for himself , and I think that is best thing to do. Because how is it kind of your husband to only treat you with love when you make him meals filled with meat, especially if preparing meat does not make you happy?

I would keep being firm, but kind, with him and continue making the food you love. If he wants to make meat-heavy meals, I think he should make them for himself , especially if he really loves you. To ask you to do it is unfair and unkind - and he should understand why. If he doesn't after all this time, then he needs to start now. That's just my humble opinion. :)

I wish you so much luck with this tricky situation!

- Lindsay, founder, www.kissmeimvegan.com

Jaime Rubeniuk said #7 Nov 10, 2010 at 9:21am

I think that if your husband respects you, he should understand that you have been veg since you were 17, before you even met him, and he should prepare his own meat if he wants it. It's not like you were a carnivore when you met him, and then one day decided that you were cutting off all contact with meat, and told him he had to do the same. You were veg when he met you, so that is something that he should have been prepared for when marrying you. When I met my bf, I had been veg for 18 years, he was not. I was the one who did most of the cooking, and I absolutely would not allow any meat in the house. He like what I cooked, and of course I was nervous that as soon as he had the chance, he'd bolt to the nearest steak house and chow down, but he never did. He is very interested in eating a healthy diet, and once I explained a few things to him and gave him the facts, he was sold on it. When I went vegan I asked him if he wanted to, and he said "uh, no.....". Hahaha.... But I told him to read the chapter in TKL about dairy, and as soon as he read it (not kidding, like 5 minutes later), he said "okay, I'll go vegan with you". And we have been vegan ever since! We now have an almost 1 year old who we are raising vegan too:)

What kinds of meals are you making for the two of you? Are they the more "rice n beans" or "hippie" type dishes? Or do you use a lot of meat substitute and try to make more "traditional" meals?

Sara said #8 Nov 11, 2010 at 1:28pm

Don't give up! It can be hard sometimes, but in the end I just keep kindness to animals in my mind. Is he up for helping you cook? Or even picking out a recipe that looks good to him? Does he really miss the dairy so much that one ingredient not being there makes him refuse to eat the food?

Jennifer Dios said #9 Nov 29, 2010 at 5:17pm

I felt like throwing in the towel a time or two. I just can't eat the way I use to, I get sick, my body loves being vegetarian I guess. lol. My husband is into body building,and "needs protein". It was hard for me watching him eat steak, chicken, eggs, and turkey. I've been vegetarian now for almost 3 years, and he has given up red meat, pork he never ate, and he only eats chicken when we eat out. I do help cook for him and the best thing I can tell myself is to respect his choice. He respects mine, and I know with his lifestyle and protein shakes, and workouts, he wont ever be satisfied with a plant based diet completely. He has made big changes so I am happy with that, he is even drinking organic milk now. He tries my "milk" but say's there is not enough protein in it for him. I don't fight him on it, and he supports me.

Maybe if your making recipes you can substitute some ingediants and he would never know, good luck. I know this must be frusterating!

Debi C said #10 Dec 8, 2010 at 7:28am

Thank you and many hugs to those of you who responded!!!! I know its awful to be soo gleeful about this but for a while my husband was getting heartburn and acid reflux in the middle of the night!!! So brilliant me!!!! I suggest lets just start eating light vegan meals at night!!! He rolled his eyes..but did it and ya know what!!! Heartburn gone!!!! He still wont admit its the vegan food..but thats okay!!! hes eating it and feeling bettter and when he does eat meat or ice cream or heavy meals like Thanksgiving guess what- HEARTBURN!!!!!! i know im evil for being sooo happy for this!!!!! Hee hee.......Bwahahaha!!!!

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