The KInd Life Community Forum

I'm a girl but I thought I would post this question to the Men's Health section, since it concerns my husband: How can I encourage him to be healthier without being a nag about it? I truly want to help and I don't know how. He loves everything "nasty" and is the opposite of healthy in nearly every way. I could really use some good advice on how to help as a partner, not a mom.

His stats: 36 years old, losing weight unintentionally, smokes, fatigued, doesn't exercise, gets headaches and unexplained rashes often, has been to the doctor about a dozen times in the last couple years, supports me in my lifestyle but doesn't care to learn about it. Oh yeah, he's from the Midwest and is afraid of most vegetables and anything that says it has lots of fiber (too much "ruffage" for him). He's only 36 but has the energy of an elderly man!

For breakfast he usually has two Pop Tarts and Gatorade. Lunch might be something like a ham and cheese sandwich, chips, and Mountain Dew. Dinner is whatever I make for him, which is often healthy (for him): lean chicken or beef with sides of veggies and whole grains. If left to his own devices, he will go pick up some fast food.

I know that you can't change someone unless they want to change....but I still want to try to push him in a better direction. Leading by example hasn't done anything yet. I would really appreciate any thoughts on the issue, thanks!

Thank you, ann ann and Tania for your replies! You both have good suggestions.

I do the grocery shopping and have been slowly trying to ease off buying him certain things, only buying him junk if he specifically asks for it, or choosing a better alternative (healthier cereal bar than a Pop Tart, for example). But it's true that I could just not get him any of that at all, and make him put more effort into his decisions. The times that I didn't buy him any "treats" at all, he would go to the store and get them all himself anyway.

My husband's not sporty anymore, but he used to really enjoy riding bikes. I think I want to read both of those books you mentioned. Meat is for Pussies is just a great title, and I've flipped through Thrive at the bookstore and liked it. That doesn't mean he'll like it though.

And Tania, I hadn't thought about diabetes being an issue--thanks so much for pointing that out. The next time he goes to the doctor, I'll suggest that he get tested. I really hope he doesn't have that though! One of my good friends, who is self-employed like us, has type 1 diabetes and just recently, the cost of her health insurance just went up to $1,250 per month. Yikes. Everyone's premiums will be different of course, but still, I can only imagine how much higher ours could go over time. From a financial and health perspective, eating nasty is expensive.

I'm glad to have these forums on hand. I should add that my husband's choices are the norm for everyone in his family and most of our neighbors, so it's nice to have a place to talk to people that I can relate to.

Another book that might be of use is the Engine 2 diet. I would echo what others here have said, which is if you're doing the shopping and cooking, that's a very good way to improve his diet. I don't know if you'd be up to packing his lunch for him, but that's another way to get him to eat better at work. My dad is a diabetic, and when we were kids, we basically had no junk food in the house, because he would eat it, so it just wasn't bought. Now that didn't stop him from buying it on his own, but obviously, it was still less available and made him work more for his bad habits. As vegans in the Midwest, my wife and I do a lot of our own cooking, which allows us to control what we eat. The more delicious but healthy cooking you can do, the more likely he'll be to start to come around to the idea that healthy food can also be yummy.

My dad, raised on a farm, was a big believer in the Atkins diet, and after having him read the China Study, he is transitioning towards a vegan diet, so it is possible to get through. We did a lot of vegan cooking for him when he came over to our house to demonstrate vegan food is not rabbit food, and I think that probably helped the transition as well. I understand your qualms about nagging, but I agree with the others about having him get a health checkup, and then just being healthy yourself. If you are active, it'll be harder for him to not be more active himself. And if you're doing the cooking, then you have the controls to nutrition in your house.... You don't have to say anything, just say you want to be healthier yourself, and so this is the cooking you're going to be doing. Good luck!

-Bill
http://vegan8korean.wordpress.com

Tk, let me know how things work out for you! My boyfriend is the same way, he loves junk food and would happily live off bacon for the rest of his life. I think everyone's suggestions are great and I'm trying to incorporate them into my realtionship slowly. It is frustrating when you're so focused on being healthy and your significant other doesn't even bat an eye! I've tried taking my boyfriend to the grocery store a few times to help me shop for all the yummy veggies and it usually ends up with him in shock that I pay "so much" for organic foods. In reality it's only $1.00 more, but he's all about the cheap stuff. I dont know how price sensitive your husband is, but just be prepared for a counter arguement if he starts to huff and puff about the price of healthy food.

Another thought, even after doing everything you can to persuade him, just remember that everyone is on their own path to healthiness. Unfortunately, it may take some longer than others. Try not to get discouraged and keep us posted!

Mmm, bacon. Just kidding. Emily, your boyfriend and my husband would probably get along well. If they ever met and talked, they would probably start their own forums to complain about their vegan spouses and all the weird things they eat, ha ha.

And Bill, good job. Congrats and making your 1st anniversary together and helping your dad be healthier! That's so encouraging to me and I'm glad to hear about it.

I will check in with you guys in a few months and let you know how all these suggestions have played out. Thanks, everyone.