The KInd Life Community Forum

I know you are dissapointed and probably somewhat disgusted with your daughter's current life choices. I completely understand because I've been there. I was hardcore vegetarian in college, participated in animal rights events, and encouraged my friends and family to do so. I cannot for the life of me remember a defining moment in which I started eating meat again, but it just happened. I felt really guilty for awhile, but then I kept justifying it and kept it a secret from everyone. Because of my busy lifestyle I started eating fast food and gained a lot of weight and felt like crap. Unlike most of my peers, I knew I messed up. To anyone else it looked like I was eating like a "normal American" but that guilt never went away as images of abused farm animals popped in my mind now and then.

The good news is you can always go home again. After college I had hit rock bottom and knew I wanted a change and knew the RIGHT way to do it. I am now 27 and have continued in my path to veganism and feeling better than ever. Don't give up on your daughter yet. She just might come around, and she'll be looking to you for that support and affirmation.

Sorry I haven't replied in a more timely manner, but I've had a death in the family, my beloved father-in-law. I'm pleased to say that he died peacefully and is now free of the Parkinson's disease that was slowly destroying his life.

I appreciate the personal insight and perspectives each reply provides. It's eye opening to see how people have experienced the same issue, whether by having a relative/friend who went back to eating meat or they're the one who went back.

With my daughter, I don't believe her getting married had anything to do with it--I'm as sure as I can be [and my memory's not as good as it used to be!] that she had reverted prior to meeting her now husband. So that's not it.

You know, the weirdest thing about this is that my daughter has never done anything to make me ashamed of her. Like I said in my OP, being disappointed in her is not a normal experience for me! So this is very foreign and unfamiliar. I think that's part of the problem, because I really don't know HOW to be disappointed in her. Does that make any sense at all? I mean, if she had a long history of bad behavior, bad grades, bad...whatever, I'd be familiar with these feelings, but she doesn't and I'm not.

I know I'm repeating myself now, but I have to reiterate that *I* could not possibly go back to eating [or wearing, etc.] animals--it would literally make me sick--and with that in mind I cannot understand how SHE does it. I wonder if she, like Sunshine, ever has images of abused farm animals pop into her head...

Right now I think I'm going to take the very good advice to take some deep breaths and just take care of myself.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Hi, Just wanted to throw in my 2 cents here to maybe help you understand where she's coming from a little. I was vegetarian (by my own choice, no one in my family is) from the age of 9 years old. When I got to university aged 19, at was still a vegetarian. However, 6 months later I gradually started eating meat again. I'm not really sure exactly why, but I think a lot of it was about trying to work out who I really was - at the same time I was trying lots of different things (some positive, like yoga, and others negative, like drinking too much). At any rate, I think it was a bit of a self-discovery thing as I became an adult, away from home and got to push the boundries for the first time. I think that the point in this, subconsciously at least, was to check that my values were really MY values). At any rate, you'll be glad to hear that once I found the "real me", I also found out that she was vegan, not just vegetarian. It took a long time but I got there, and it's a happier, more grown up place this 2nd time around.

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts about my dad. And he REALLY was my dad--my own father has been missing from my life since I was young, and I consider myself *SO* blessed to have acquired a real dad through marriage. I'm still processing the reality that he's gone, but I'm comforted by knowing he died peacefully and not alone--and especially that he's no longer under the NASTY grip of Parkinson's disease.

As for my daughter, I appreciate Sadie's opposing view, i.e., that I should NOT confront her about her choice to resume eating animals. I actually see her point, and fully get the smoker analogy. The difference here is that I can do it more from a standpoint of "for my OWN understanding, please tell me why you went back to eating animals." That's different from saying, in a confrontational tone, "you're WRONG to be doing xyz...what's the matter with you?!" (By the way, it's the latter that I'd LIKE to say to her! I'd LIKE to shake her and say "don't you realize you're TORTURING ANIMALS?!")