I was already married when I became a vegan,so can not take my own advice....but I was thinking if I were in the position of dating a non vegan would I? I think if I met someone and I was already a vegan I would have to say no. I think with all the other issues that come up in a relationship, that meat would be a big one, and put a wall and some underlying resentment in the relationship from the beginning. I would rather find someone who was on the same path as me. If I ever find myself in that position that is what I would do... and I may find myself there soon, and yes it is over my vegan lifestyle.. It is ok though I would rather be single and vegan than married and miserable. Just a thought...
Oy, such a sensitive topic! There was a thread about this before, if you want to try searching for it and seeing other's opinions. It is extremely difficult to think about. My boyfriend went vegetarian when I went vegan, but thankfully eats fully vegan at home and any time we go out together. If we separated, I might have to say the same as you - but I don't know. I don't know if I could be with someone opposed to my basic ethical values, and then what if we had children - how would we raise them? Hopefully I won't have to make that choice.
Honestly, it would be very judgemental to not date/marry someone based on something like that. I mean, would you not marry someone because they were a different ethnicity/religion/political affiliation than you? Love is love, and real love knows no boundaries.
I don't think it's really about judgment per se. I would date an omni, but I don't know if I would have children with one. Ethnicity is not ethics, nor, to a certain extent, are politics. Religion - if I were to be an extremely devout I probably would want to marry someone within my religion because if I were devout it would be a fundamental aspect of my being (but I don't think that automatically makes all devout persons judgmental just because they would prefer to marry someone of their faith). If I were not a very devout , but I still practiced a certain religion, it would just be easier to compromise. As I said, I don't know what I would do, but it would still be something I would have to reflect deeply upon, as a basic ethical question.
I think it is important in a relationship for each partner to be supportive of the other's beliefs, even if we don't agree with or like them. If you want your partner to support you in your veganism, perhaps you need to support his right to make his own dietary choices. Many of were meat eaters before we had our awakening. And yes, we want the best for the ones that we love, but people have to evolve at thier own pace. The more you try to force them, the more they resist. As long as you are not being pressured to change your beliefs and you feel supported by your partner, I think that a relationship can be happy between a vegan and a non-vegan as long as they can manage to negotiate a situation that both partners can live with.
That being said, it is probably easier not to have to negotiate or make compromises and have a partner that agrees with everything you say..... but how often does that happen???
It seems that Candy is already experiencing relationship problems due to her choice to be vegan and so I can see why she would want to avoid that in the future. I don't know what I would do because I have not been in that situation, but if you do find yourself in that position, I wish you luck finding your vegan dream man (I have heard they are hard to find!).
I guess, growing up in a religious cult with parents of two different ethnicities and political beliefs, I know what it's like to be judged unfairly, and I would never want to do the same to someone. I would never stand to be with someone who did not SUPPORT my beliefs and lifestyle, but so long as they support and respect my decisions regarding diet/lifestyle/religion/etc., then I would absolutely want to give them the same respect that they are giving me. Just like with my fiance. When I went vegan, I told him that it was something I was doing and that I would never tell him what to do or eat. This guy ate 3-5 eggs and bacon for breakfast, a burger for lunch and chicken for dinner every day of the week. After me being vegan for a little over a month, he started buying veggie burgers instead of real ones, learned how to make himself tofu scrambles instead of eggs, and fell in love with Earth Balance. By the time I had been vegan for 3 months, he had become basically vegan, only eating seafood a couple times a month. I KNOW that if I had judged and pushed him to change his ways all I would have done was push him away instead. Instead, I let him make choices for himself, led by example, and know he's happier for it. But if I had just pushed him away, shunned him for eating meat in my presence, even though I had done it just a short time before, he probably never would have made the switch for himself and I would have felt incredibly hypocritical. You can't always choose who you love, but you can always make the choice to respect the lifestyles of others, even if you don't agree with it.
I think Dani makes a point that you should give someone a chance. Maybe those people have not been informed about a vegan diet or what it means. You may meet someone and find out that they are open to change at their own pace. Just because they are a meat-eater doesn't mean they are a bad person, it may just mean that they haven't yet come to understand what happens with animal agriculture and the effects that it has on your health. You may enlighten them and find that it brings you closer than ever to that person. Not that I think you should go in a try to change everyone because sometimes this can cause more problems. Probably if you meet them and you are friends you will be able to feel out the situation and how you both feel. Much like how we all had our aha moment, you have to give them a chance to have their own. It might happen or it might not, but it might be worth the chance.
I am not saying that if you are already in a relationship to just throw it away. I was saying if you met someone and went on a few dates, surely after four of five dates you are not going to be in love.... Infatuated maybe, but not true love. Truly loving someone for who they are takes much longer and you have to know there beliefs on everything to truly LOVE them for them. My point is if you have gone on say five dates, in that time wouldn't you already start to know what they like and how they view the world? If their beliefs were not like your own, you are not in love yet,,, hopefully. Wouldn't it be fair to both of you to decide maybe you should keep searching? Personally, I would not continue to date someone who was had a different belief system (religion), our beliefs are such a vital part of who we are. I really don't see how it would be conducive. Yes you can love someone who has different beliefs, I believe we all have the right to believe how we want to and it is solely our choice. I just don't think it should be in an intimate relationship. Politics would be the same, it may really confuse the neighbors if you have opposing candidate stakes in your yard. Politics are a big thing for some and that could end a marriage on its own. As far as ethnicity, absolutely not.... we are all humans, we all bleed the same color and feel pain the same. I am just saying relationships are so hard anyway, it would make more sense to be as close to the same path as possible. I think it would make both people for happier.. Of course that doesn't apply if you have been dating a year and someone changes to vegan... then you would have to support the others feelings and vice versa. I hope the cleared up some of the misunderstanding. I personally have what my husband calls passionate personality.... If I believe in something it is heart, mind, body and soul..