I Shared this on my Facebook and this was the Response I never Imagined......................
You've always been a special pal of mine. You've always had an admirable inner strength, although you never knew it. When we were younger, not knowing how special, not knowing that inner strength existed, is why it was easier to just make others feel good. A subconscious way of hoping that by doing would make you feel good about yourself as well (of course, we'll not discredit the fact that your compassion IS real). I've been there - my whole life as well. Its why I felt a personal connection to you. Pacifists tend to understand one another in a "silent" way, an unspoken bond if you will. As we (people like you & I) grow up, we allow ourselves to begin to understand ourselves as an individual and feel a need to pull away from identifying ourselves & our self worth by how others feel around us - because of us. There finally comes the moment when its just 'time for you' & 'to hell w/them' (for lack of better words). No more working overly hard to please others & neglecting yourself. Finally surfaced to sight is a time for change. Either you tend to yourself for once in your life, or you continue being the pacifist you've always been. I truly believe that when this time comes, its a turning point that offers no U-turns. You my friend, took the right fork in the road. Many choose to fear it & choose to remain in habits that are comfortable/safe. They end up missing their opportunity of true happiness w/themselves. All of us that choose to "do it for me", do it in our own way. I must admit, your way is quite unique (@least its a first to me lol) This "kind life" seems awesome & obviously working for you, so do not give up. Hold strong, force yourself daily, to continue believing in yourself. You know what in talking about when I say, eventually you'll have faith & confidence in yourself enough that you won't have need for the encouragement of others, though it is nice to have lol (I still struggle w/that part myself though). You'll be confident to a point that you won't craved that crazy type of acceptance by others for being "the one that makes me (them) feel better". You don't NEED their acceptance if you accept yourself. Sure its okay to be kind just as always, just as long as that kindness is equally shared w/yourself ;) You amaze me, as always. As a kid I took my low self esteem & turned it inside out, becoming bitter, even to others that had no idea why I was so 'mean' sometimes - Defense Mechanism gone wrong - You did something most of us (even those w/out a pacifist nature) can't do, you were a pro at giving the appearance of "my life is COMPLETELY perfect". It may have damaged you even more though, than my approach did me. You held EVERYTHING in, for so long! Others eventually crack under pressure, accidentally, leaking out SOMETHING of their secret for @ least one person to notice. Sometimes, being the master of disguise is the worse attribute to possess. You so deserve this new found piece/peace of happiness. I just want to say "I'm proud of you!" & thats something we never heard enough of & even if we did hear it, we never could FEEL the (self)pride that we oh so deserved. It was just a word we used on others. Now its your turn! I'm so glad you're taking it in full stride! It brings a whole new light/meaning of "focus" doesn't it? ...SELF focus! Take care of YOU babe (w/out guilt of doing so) & then, when others want to take care of you & love you, you'll notice they're doing it & most importantly... You'll accept their 'gift' w/open arms! ♥ Oh & thank you so much for thinking of me through my deal. Although it worried me (for you) because I was reminded of the "old you".
I'M PROUD OF(the new)YOU!
.... Keep on truckin pal ;) .... — with Dante Olivarez.
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