Self-care. Let’s discuss the buzzword of the decade.

The phrase self-care may conjure up relaxing images of massages and hot tubs. But it’s so much more than that.

I hear people saying it all the time: “I need to focus more on self-care.” But what exactly does self-care mean?

What does self-care look like? How do we take good care of ourselves? And the million-dollar question:  how come there are so many of us who already know the answers to these questions, and we still aren’t doing it?

Self-care is the act of deliberately taking action to improve your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. I tried to come up with a more interesting description but it’s pretty straightforward.

So why is the actual act of self-care not so straightforward? I believe that the reason it’s so challenging for most people is this: there’s no one who can do it for you. Self-care is all your responsibility. And we already have so many responsibilities to other people. But, hello! Why are you taking care of stuff for other people before you’re taking care of yourself?

PUT ON YOUR OXYGEN MASK FIRST, PEOPLE! (and yes, I know I’m yelling. It’s only because I care.) In a society that is constantly trying to control things, this is one thing that we actually can take charge of…and yet, often, we still don’t. We spend so much time with output, we forget how important it is to refill our tank.

When I work with clients, self-care is the thing that they struggle with most, sabotage the most, put on the back burner the most. They don’t make their doctor’s appointments. They don’t get enough sleep. They don’t ask for help. They don’t (otherwise disguised as “can’t”) leave work at work. They felt incredible when they were exercising during the month of January — but then they stopped. Most people know what makes them feel good, but they don’t (or won’t) make time for it.

• Self-care can be scheduling (and going to!) your doctor’s appointment.
• Self-care can be noticing when you feel totally frazzled and taking 5 minutes to close your eyes and just breathe.
• Self-care can be getting into bed by a certain time every night.
• Self-care can be waiting for at least an hour after you’ve woken up to look at your phone.
• Self-care can be going for a 20-minute walk every morning.
• Self-care can be choosing to drink alcohol more moderately.
• Self-care can be asking for help.
• Self-care can be unfollowing people on social media who bring you down.
• Self-care can be taking a mental health day.
• Self-care can be finding the time to paint once a week.
• Self-care can be signing up for a class.
• Self-care can be creating a budget and sticking to it.
• Self-care can be putting up boundaries in relationships.
• Self-care can be deciding that you’ll turn off your phone for a certain number of hours every day.
• Self-care can be getting a massage.
• Self-care can be reading a book.
• Self-care can be taking the time to look at where you are now and where you’d like to be at this time next year.
• Self-care can be having a difficult conversation.
• Self-care can be taking a break from social media.
• Self-care can be saying No.
• Self-care can be having lunch with a friend.
• Self-care can be seeing an acupuncturist.
• Self-care can be making time for the gym.

Clearly, self-care doesn’t look the same for everyone. Sure – we all need to see our doctors and get a good night’s sleep. But you don’t have to do all these things in order to take care of yourself.

Did something else on that list really jump out at you? Start there. Pick one thing that you are willing to take the time for it and notice how it affects your week.

Need someone to hold you accountable? Drop me a note, and I’ll check in with you to help you kick your excuses to the curb. My choice? I’m gonna finally start my mornings phone-free. I’ve been saying I’m going to do this for a while now. No good excuse why I haven’t — I just haven’t bothered to break the habit. So now, I’m accountable to all of you!!! I’ll let you know how it goes.

Life is too short to spend it on the hamster wheel. Get off for a minute and refuel. Go to the doctor, take a bath, read the paper, and have tea without a device. No one is going to take care of you if you don’t take care of yourself.

---

Michelle Pollack is a leadership coach who works with her clients to lead with confidence, integrity, and purpose.