Vegan Dating Pt. 2
A little while back, I shared some throughts about dating as a vegan. Check it out if you haven't seen it yet. The jist is not to limit yourself to finding someone who is already a vegan. Be open to the person who is right for you.
On the other hand, if you are hoping to find a plant-based partner, here are some more ideas for how to find one...
How to meet a veg partner:
• Like I mentioned in my video, try going to eco and vegan events where you might meet like-minded people. The farmer’s market, a yoga class, or volunteering might be a good place to start.
• Meetup.com is a good way to meet people that share your interests (and not just for dating). There are a ton of vegan and eco-friendly groups there that might introduce you to some cool people. In Los Angeles, there’s a group for Roaming Vegan Potlucks, in New York there’s a Vegetarian & Vegan Meetup, and you London Kind Lifers can join London Vegan Meetup.
• There are some vegan dating sites online like Vegan Passions, Vegan Dating, and VeggieDate. I never tried them, but maybe they are good? Have any of you given them a try?
If you want to introduce your partner to a kind diet:
I often see questions in the forum from those of you already in relationships with meat- and dairy-loving partners and you want to know how to introduce them to a kinder diet. Here are some suggestions:
• Start with Meatless Mondays. Lots of restaurants are offering Meatless Monday dishes now. Make Monday a date night and pick a different vegan or veg-friendly restaurant each week.
• Cook Dinner Together. Pick a kind recipe with ingredients they love, open a bottle of wine if you feel like, and get cooking. This is such a simple date, but it’s one of the best.
• Small Acts of Kindness. Surprise him or her by bringing them lunch one day. Try the rustic pasta on page 147 of The Kind Diet or the waffle, sausage and cheese Panini on page 153. Yum!
• Appeal to Their Sweet Tooth. If your gal or guy likes sweets, make them chocolate peanut butter cups or for a fancy treat, make my candied ginger pears.
• Revamp Their Fav Meal. Just veganize the ingredients or make something in that general realm. Like, mac & cheese or fettuccini alfredo. No need to make a big deal about it being vegan, just share the yum food with love.
Be careful not to turn them off to the kind lifestyle:
This is a very gentle process.
• Try not to lecture about veganism if they haven’t expressed an interest in learning about it. Wait for them to ask. If it’s been a while and they haven’t inquired, give them a book that best suits their personality. Maybe Meat is for Pussies, The China Study, Food Revolution, No Impact Man, Engine 2 Diet, or The Kind Diet.
• Try not to criticize their food choices. Be patient and stick to your kind habits. Chances are, they’ll warm up to them without even realizing it. Continue sharing all the good foods like my Cheesy Oozy Guacamole Bean Dip and Artichoke, Mushroom, and Leek Crostini with pesto from The Kind Diet. Continue to take care of yourself and they will see that you look better than ever and that you feel great. How can they not eventually be curious? The love and good vibes will be contagious.
What do you think?
2% of people in the US are vegans, according to a Gallup poll last year. Vegan women outnumber men by about three to one. The odds might seem to favor plant-based dudes, but Rob Masters of the London Vegan Meetup Group says that veg ladies are more willing to pair with a non-vegan partner. So whether you’re a guy or gal, if you’re looking for a plant-based partner, the odds are tough!
After reading those numbers, I was curious to see how you all feel about being in the dating game or in relationships as vegans. So, I created this little survey. It's pretty short so it won't take more than five minutes and I'll share the results of the survey after Valentine's Day! Could be fun, right?
What are your tips for finding a vegan mate or introducing your partner to veganism?
Share in the comments below, and if you have more questions about this topic, post those too. I’ll try to answer them in a future blog.
Speaking of comments, we have some brand new comment capabilities! Now, you can reply to someone else's comment and give a comment a "thumbs up." Hope you enjoy the new features!
Photo source: flickr.com / Bahoolala
Category
Kind 101
41 comments
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Thanks for mentioning London Vegan Meetup - although you wouldn't believe how much stick I've got for that quote! ;-)
While we're not a singles group, we have held a few dedicated singles events. And I know a number of couples that have come together via the group. I'm pretty sure I heard that one of those couples had recently given birth to our first Meetup baby too! :-) -
Thankyou for your helpful & useful tips on vegan dating. I have just started seeing a guy who LOVES his meat but is supportive of my lifestyle for myself & my Son. But, the problem I have is: I don't ever want to make his meals with meat. What would you do? x Jaz -
What are my recipes for finding, meeting, dating, a fellow Vegan, raw vegan, or like minded person?
I have no idea.
Haven't met anyone like me in the 6+ years I have been a vegan.
Strange, so many people at Food Co-ops, on sites like this, who say they are vegans, or similar, yet no one real around, all pseudo vegans and animal lovers
but here seems to be the problem:
I am one of the only guys on sites like this. I am the only guy who reads VegNews, buys all Organic, adores animals, has very strong feelings about how to eat and live, I know of.
You would think with meeting places such as these, loaded with women and supposedly like minded people, I would strike up a conversation, friendship, or date, but, alas, nothing.
I guess, for all the talk women say of what they are looking for: nice, loves animals, kind, considerate of my feelings, funny, interesting, yada, yada, in the end, from what I have seen all my life, overall they still want the same thing as always: When a guy walks into a restaurant, bar, or friends house; all in leather, rides a Harley, talks trash, treats them poorly, doesn't call, messes around on them, is ignorant and tries to hook up with their best friend, well, that is super exciting and sexy to them. That is who they call. Those are the guys who get the dates.
Oh well.
I've seen it my whole life, and I know how the world works.
Nice guys finish dead last, when it comes to women.
I have the happiest times with my dog,
not with a date or woman.
Just how it is.
And I am fine with that.-
not sure if all women truly prefer guys like you mentioned,although some certainly do, whilst forgetting all their best intentions, i suppose. but definitely agree with you about dogs. it is a simple fact that, the more people i meet, the more i prefer the company of my dogs, anytime. people for the most part are such posers,for whatever reasons.-
I just think it is built in genetically. Logic mind says that the woman wants a different kind of guy, but then bright colored wings are flapped in their face, a cocky dance is performed for them, and they go running to the bright shining thing. As an introvert, a thinker, an analyzing person; quiet, helpful and kind, I am and always have been completely unnoticed, and definitely uninteresting to the women of the world. I don't have the interest or capacity to do the dance or shake my colorful feathers. I am not complaining, as most of the women out there are uninteresting to me. I find their interests in gossip, small talk, fashion, money, shiny cars, popularity, hollywood, shoes, on and on, to be exhausting and quite frankly boring. I am interested in much more and deeper things. I don't find women interested in any of the things I am, pretty much anywhere. Which is odd, because I love helping animals, am a writer, like discovering unknown places in America and beyond. Things you would think women would be interested in (they say they are everywhere you look and read on the internet, blogs and such, and in books, and when I am out and about in overheard conversation or in conversation with me, but it turns out they aren't actually, they are interested in the other things when the truth is finally revealed) but it seems they are all fakes. It isn't what they are really interested in. They are as you say complete Posers. It is irritating. Not sure why it is impossible for people to be just honest, open, and truthful. Everyone is so in need of a pat on the back, a false ego rub, acceptance and fawning over, to be chased after and propped up on a pillar. Caring what people think is so overrated, and in the end you find, others really didn't care anyhow, it was all a smokescreen. Because if I can't find these honest truthful people, I am sure no one else can either. I chose a dogs company anytime over a persons. Dogs have no gear except being true to themselves. They love my level of honesty and I love theirs just as much. It is simpatico. I have found nothing like it in the rest of the world. I wish peace and doggies for you jane. Thanks for the reply.
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hi again. not sure if you will get this message. still trying to figure out how this blog thing works. for the most part i am a bit non-care and s l o w to catch on when it comes to tech-stuff. could care less for it mostly, so not too curious to stay clued up about new things. anyway, nice chatting to you. yes, i think i know exactly how you feel, and what you mean. true what you say, that we are biologically programmed to react in a certain way - survival, procreation etc... but at some stage i reckon the mind has to step in and say HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT HERE! THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS... although i think that even if we do hear that little voice, and most of us i fear do not even bother to listen - we silence it with all the strength we can muster, ignore it and go racing ahead, boooom crash right into the brick wall we saw coming miles away... ok,it probably sounds terrible, but... that is my experience of 'dating' and hormones and romantic relationships, so, i am done with that. it seems we (well, maybe there are people better at multi-tasking than myself out there) then me then, can think either with our brain (and soul) or our heart (useless) - in my case it seems to be an either/or scenario, and so i have opted to use my brain (better returns in the long term) than hormones which only promises a heck of a roller-coaster ride with no substance or fundamentals long-term. i mean, life is about growing, having a purpose and making a change, and when all one's energy is channelled into 'what will i wear/say/do ..blahblahblah' there truly is not much left to do anything else decent with. let alone any silence to think about stuff. (i like to think :) so - i am sure some people actually do find a true soul mate, and a purpose in life (other than getting married and having a family) whilst being with the right someone. it would be truly sad if there was none, but i doubt it is meant for all of us. some of us are just better being alone. that is not the same as lonely. but you would not say that looking around - people seem so scared of being alone. to be an individual, to be different. follow the herd.. i have always felt a bit like an outcast, maybe we start out like that, or does life change us into that? doesn't really matter. i believe ultimately that as soon as we stop ignoring/denying/fighting it, truth flows into our souls. therefor, to find it - in all things be true to thyself - (and was it Laotse Tao (sp?) who said 'be like water, flow, or let it flow over/through you' or something like that. basically, go with the direction of things, of life, and find your way in that. so do not heed the many people so seemingly different from yourself, for if you look at them closely, have they actually taught you anything (by way of enriching your life, anything valuable that made you feel special, loved?) or do they merely suck the joy and energy from your soul? if so, accept that it takes all kinds. walk around, away, gently, if possible, and focus your eyes up ahead - even if you cannot yet see where you are supposed to be going. just know it is probably not 'here'. so, if HERE does not feel right, you have probably not arrived at your destination (yet)? that brings me to the next thing - never seeming to be content where i am. i am happy, but never feel that i am where i should have been. another conversation entirely. good luck with the harley-leather-guys! ciao.
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I was really lucky. I met my current boyfriend about a year ago on a dating site. One of the things you could put on your profile was what kind of food you eat (i.e. strict vegetarian, anything, sometimes-vegan, etc). I was able to list my eating habbits to that anyone who might be interested would know up-front what choices I had made. My guy is not a vegetarian and has no real interest in it, but he is extremely supportive of my journey and is willing to eat whatever I feel like cooking. When we do go out to eat, he will sometimes get something with a bit of meat in it, but I've noticed that as time has passed, he has become less likely to pick meat-options. I don't pressure him in any way and he is competely accepting of who I am. -
Hi Alicia! 1st off THANK YOU for being such a wonderful public advocate for living a cruelty free lifestyle. The introducing & not turning them off part of your article was totally relatable for me! I started dating my carnivorous boyfriend (Jay) back in August, and it was initially very tough for me. There were times I had to break away from the dinner table & head to the ladies room to compose myself & there were also a couple of instances where I became emotional in front of him...I knew I had to get my emotions in check fast or we were not going to continue, & I did. The only person I have close to me in my life that is also vegetarian is my best girlfriend, thankfully! After a couple of conversations with her I changed my approach w Jay. The only thing I'm eating from any animal are organic farm fresh eggs, on occasion, that's it... no dairy, no fish, no meats or poultry. I opened up to my boyfriend about my diet & cruelty free lifestyle early on so he knew where I stood & how passionate I am about animal protection. He shared with me that "I couldn't freeze the ocean" but that he would be open minded and let me cook vegetarian dishes for him which I have been doing and he loves them. I do not ever "lecture" Jay and over time my conservative approach has helped. Jay proactively will order meatless meals when we are dining together, shop organic with me at Whole Foods market (he had never shopped there before), started juicing w me, and the cutest thing is when we go to dinner now, he first checks the menu for the vegetarian options...that hits me right in the heart. oh & one more thing! He just ordered a new Jeep with cloth seats, not leather! :) ok I'm rambling.... The bottom line is if someone cares about you enough & is open-minded to learning, knowing and seeing things differently than from how they were "trained" they will change their eating habits...it may not happen over night or completely but changes will happen. I also started my own FB page, "Faux You" in August as well, & it's a great release for me & very rewarding. So to all the single female herbivores out there, don't completely opt out on the carnivorous guy...love is a powerful thing! :) Happy Valentines Day! ❤
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I've tried dating "open-minded" omnivores in the past and found that even though in some cases they were willing to give veganism a try, they just didn't have the same passion and enthusiasm for the lifestyle that I did which ended up manifesting as them falling off at some point because they were motivated to please me rather than because they didn't want to contribute to animal cruelty. I find I have a lot more in common with men who are already vegan or on the path to become vegan. -
I have Meatless Fridays for religious reasons, Alicia, so I am one-seventh of the week there, lol! I would date a vegan girl, despite being a non-vegan but also interested in finding out more, it wouldn't put me off a person at all. I wouldn't discriminate against a plant-based babe, Miss Silverstone. Have a good day, Kind Lifers and especially Alicia Silverstone! x. -
great post, as always, thanks Alicia!
ps: the survey is hetero skewed, btw. there's an equally fascinating and growing group of LGBT vegans out there pulling from an even smaller population. we're looking for veggie friendly partners too! :)
Brian-
The survey should work, no matter what orientation you identify with. We tried to make sure that it doesn't ask anyone to respond in a hetero way. If there's anything you noticed that should be changed, please let us know so we can fix it! -
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When I met my now husband, he had already eliminated milk and red meat from his diet so it wasn't difficult to get him to take those final few steps. Unfortunately he still occasionally eats fish if it is presented to him but he respects my veganism and progresses a little more with each passing year! He is also realizing that leather is not fashionable but a by product of the cruel meat industry. Stick to your convictions and people will respect you for it! -
Such a great topic! I also wrote a blog post about it today- Dating, the Vegetarian Way http://delicious-knowledge.com/?p=2833
I am lucky that my man decided to switch after reading "Eating Animals" on his own. i think it would be really hard to not have a veg partner. I don't like having meat in my house and it would be hard to share a fridge/freezer with meat products. I do however, understand that your partner must make that decision on his/her own- not just to please you!-
"Eating Animals" is such an amazing book. I wish it was on the curriculum in schools in 3rd grade. Alas, no. I can't believe we heard continuously about all of Jonathan Safran Foer's other books, but I never heard anything about this one. I bought it in a $2 bin at Borders. I own hundreds and hundreds of books about eating (like the Kind Diet) and Eating Animals is one of my top 5 faves. Glad to hear he converted after reading it, if one person does it is a miracle.
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I was looking for a vegan partner but met a man (now my husband) named Danny who was a flexitarian (ate meat if offered but mostly vegetarian). I was very honest and upfront in the beginning and said that I liked him but that veganism is very important to me and a core of who I am. I told him that if I ever had children they would be raised vegan and that I would not want meat or dairy in the house. He told me how much he appreciated my honesty and that he had been thinking about vegetarianism and veganism for a few years but had always put the decision off because he didn't know where to start. Our relationship gave him that start. I never once pushed him or pressured him to be vegan, but if asked questions was very honest and upfront. He made the decision to be vegan after about 4 months of dating. I was so happy and excited for him and us. That was 3 years ago and we are now happily married with a happy and healthy vegan toddler.
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I was looking for a vegan partner but met a man (now my husband) named Danny who was a flexitarian (ate meat if offered but mostly vegetarian). I was very honest and upfront in the beginning and said that I liked him but that veganism is very important to me and a core of who I am. I told him that if I ever had children they would be raised vegan and that I would not want meat or dairy in the house. He told me how much he appreciated my honesty and that he had been thinking about vegetarianism and veganism for a few years but had always put the decision off because he didn't know where to start. Our relationship gave him that start. I never once pushed him or pressured him to be vegan, but if asked questions was very honest and upfront. He made the decision to be vegan after about 4 months of dating. I was so happy and excited for him and us. That was 3 years ago and we are now happily married with a happy and healthy vegan toddler.
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I created a dating site for exactly this reason! It's called SamePlate.com, and it not only matches you by your diet, but by any dietary restriction you have, medical or otherwise. Vegans, paleo dieters (like me), allergy sufferers, or even just foodies can find like minded people. It was nearly impossible for me to find a fellow paleo enthusiast to date until I created the site. The more vegans we get, the better! And it's 100% free!! SamePlate.com
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Hey Jeff, that is a great idea! Do you have members from all over the country? I will def. check out your site soon. I am in Birmingham, AL and there are a lot of hunters, fried chicken enthusiasts, etc here, but I know there are more kind lifers here somehwere! Thanks for sharing your post!-
Hi Amy! Not sure how many people are signed up yet in Birmingham, but even if you're the first, we have to start somewhere! We do have members all over the country and in Canada, and we're growing bigger every day! Thanks for replying! -Jeff
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I became a vegan and eversince, started realising that there are a lot of vegetarians and vegans out there (specially vegetarians) and trough my friends, when talking about my veganism, i have found out that everybody knows a couple vegetarians, and at least someone knows a vegan. So if you're looking for a relationship, my advice is HEADS UP! and ask people to help you organise dates with them, you have friends in common already and will probably have more than veganism to share :) -
Hi there! Well I think that the most important thing in any relationship is to be accepting and understanding. My husband and I are newer to the Vegan journey, but where I have personally made the decision to be completely Vegan, he is not there yet. He accepts and completely supports what I am doing, and in turn I don't judge him for his decision to occasionally eat animal products. We eat most of our meals together so it works out that he really doesn't eat a whole lot of animal product, but when we eat out on occasion he does. Anyway, what works for us is accepting each other's choices and beliefs and never passing judgement or preaching. It doesn't mean I don't keep on educating him lol. -
After 23 years together my change has been gradual over the last three years and largely because of my reading and thinking. He may not be a vegan but he is definitely a thinker. YOu can't argue with the facts so I do think his diet has modified and will in time change more. -
I'm happily in a relationship with an omni partner. It helps that he is sensitive to my sensitivities! And that he will eat anything and everything I cook!-
Exactly my situation! Just living with me has him eating loads more healthy food. And not only is he now only buying meat that's local and organic, the other week when we could only get to the supermarket (and not our local organic store) he opted NOT to buy meat at all. Baby steps - influence by proximity!
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Thank you kindly for not making your survey only for hetero/straight folks, Alicia! I especially liked that at the end I could answer to the availability of both vegan women and vegan men :)
My partner of four years and I met as vegetarians-already-moving-toward-veganism, and went vegan together shortly after. As a bisexual and non-monogamous couple moving through veg communities and looking for others to possibly date, we have definitely seen less available vegan guys than vegan girls!
Personally, I like the language of preferring veg partners. I am WAY more attracted to people who at least don't eat flesh, but an omni diet *might* not be a deal-breaker if I really want to make out with you :) -
I used to go to harcore punk shows where most of the people in that scene are straightedge and/or vegan. But the community is really small and I felt like everybody knew everybody. I had a veganpassions profile for a while but there doesn't seem to be much of an active community on that site. I ended up finding my current boyfriend on OKCupid. Lots of my friends use that site, so I knew it was trustworthy. The best thing about OKCupid is that you can sort through matches based on their diet. My boyfriend actually found me on that site by selecting 'vegan' in the search. I am so happy with him and I know I would have never found him otherwise. We go to punk shows, vegetarian fests, and vegan dinners together. It's awesome.-
I met my boyfriend on OKCupid too! But at the time, neither of us were vegan. We connected because of similar music taste as well :). He was vegetarian at the time and I had been vegetarian previous but had gone back to eating meat. After 6 months of dating, we both decided to go vegan together.
I met a lot of other really cool people on OKcupid too that I still keep in touch with. ... but there are also a significant amount of creeps. Guess it's just like the real world, huh? :)
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My husband and I were set up on a blind date with each other because we were both vegetarians and our friends thought we'd be compatible. Turns out we were. A few years later we went vegan together :)
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when I was on greensingles.com I met a lot of vegan or vegetarian people. It is a dating site for people who care about the environment but I found that a lot of the people on there are vegans or vegetarians. I met friends on there as well. I would like to find a place to meet other vegans that is not a dating site, just friends. -
I have looked around on the veg dating sites, but haven't found anyone in my area. I'm vegan and in Baton Rouge- if anyone wants to meet up in or around BR consider this my personal ad and shoot me a message!-
LOL!! I love that you just used this as a personal ad! Hope you are okay if I copy you: SWF in B'ham, AL seeks Christian veg male (omni's welcome to respond).
Have a great day Noel, and good luck to both of us on the romance search :)
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